


Come close, my dear

by kangelique



Series: The Captain Swan Playlist [14]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Based on the movie 'If I Stay', Emotional Hurt, F/M, Family Feels, Flashbacks from canon, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Musician Captain Hook | Killian Jones, SO SAD, Serenading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24412072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangelique/pseuds/kangelique
Summary: Crinkling paper and a light sniffle drew her in.She averted her eyes from herself, instead zeroing in on him as she slowly walked to the foot of the bed. His hair was mussed, not due to her playful fingers this time, sticking up in different directions thanks to his frustated hand. His nose was slightly red, as much as the rose he'd given her on their first date, and his eyes, so bright blue were dimmed under the fluorescent lights, appearing to sag with his expression as he read over the letter."Killian," she whispered and reached her palm out to his cheek.Or the one where Emma is in a coma and can see everything happening around her, including Killian as he begs her to wake up and stay.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Series: The Captain Swan Playlist [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1327670
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34
Collections: Once Upon A Time Fanfics





	Come close, my dear

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I never watched the movie but that scene between Mia and Adam broke my heart, so I decided to give it a try with Emma and Killian, hope you like it!

**Come close, my dear:**

White.

She hated white. 

She would have stood out among all the nurses carrying clipboards and striding past with their pagers in white scrubs with the red leather jacket she was still wearing. Something about the color, about the never ending halls, about the rays of the sun bursting through the window of an open room and smearing the wall in a mix of yellow, orange, and red broke goosebumps on her skin. That was impossible though.

If there was a draft brought on by the air conditioner, her body wasn’t aware of it. Who knew you could miss the cold, especially as her feet padded after him making no sound on the marble floor, and her increasingly heavy breathing was muted to his elvishy ears when the numbers on the plaques started going down. 

They reached 815 and his determined walk suddenly became shy and tentative as he stepped past the threshold, just like when they’d fallen asleep together and he hadn’t realized she was a light sleeper and the creaking floorboards in her house weren’t doing anyone any favors. Her hand dropped against her side, the loss of his calloused fingers going straight through hers sparking tears to her eyes, and she clutched at the ring, slipping her index finger through the hole like it could somehow make her closer to him. 

Now he was alone. 

He set his guitar case beside her bed and pulled a stool from the corner. She froze, one foot half in the room and the other one sticking out in case she needed a quick escape. Her palm pressed into the wall next to her head as she considered bailing, running and running through halls and never having to make a choice. Her head snapped around at Dr. Whale’s pounding steps as he marched toward her, and she opened her mouth to make up some excuse when he passed right through her like she was nothing but air, and she gasped, turning to yell at him to pay attention where he was going, for someone to just _pay attention._

Crinkling paper and a light sniffle drew her in. 

She averted her eyes from herself, instead zeroing in on him as she slowly walked to the foot of the bed. His hair was mussed, not due to her playful fingers this time, sticking up in different directions thanks to his frustrated hand. His nose was slightly red, as much as the rose he’d given her on their first date, and his eyes, so bright blue were dimmed under the fluorescent lights, appearing to sag with his expression as he read over the letter. 

“Killian,” she whispered and reached her palm out to his cheek, but it slipped through his skin, denying her the chance to cup his cheek and lie to him that it was okay. His eyebrows furrowed for a moment, and he tipped his head like he could feel it anyway, but then his red-rimmed eyes opened and he inhaled a sharp breath. 

“It is with tremendous pleasure that we are pleased to inform you-” His eyes widened and a smile broke across his face, lifting her heart up with his shoulders. He took the hand laying limp on the sheet, not hers, and entwined his fingers with hers. She was almost jealous because his adoring gaze was directed at the woman overwhelmed by tubes and beeping monitors. “You got in, darling. I’d say congratulations are in order, aren’t they, Swan?” He tugged gently on their joined hands and brushed his lips across her knuckles. “You did it, sweetheart.”

Wait. The letter, the acceptance, the…

“I did?” She whirled her wild wide eyes on him, looking for another confirmation. His continuing smile was answer enough, and bricks landed on her stomach, stumbling her backward. “Oh my god.”

“If you want me to come with you, love, I will,” he said, seriousness creeping along his face as he stared at her. Except he couldn’t. They’d had this discussion before. Liam wouldn’t let him, as his manager, as the face of the band. No chance in hell he could make good on that promise. No chance in hell she’d let him. He shook his head firmly. “I’d follow you to the ends of the earth, or time.”

She’d probably follow him to hell, she’d-she couldn’t. 

“We shall move to New York and perhaps find an apartment near Central Park, get a slice of the finest pizza the world has to offer, you recall?”

A sob fractured her laugh as she nodded. All those plans they’d talked about, sitting with her family at movie nights, sneaking out to watch the horizon by the docks, of course she freaking remembered.

“The one the lad wanted me to try.” Henry was relentless. Oh god, Henry. He was gone too. Most likely being covered by another fresh white bedspread as she stood here, all the best doctors at Lurie’s Hospital weren’t fast enough to save his cracked skull. Too much blood. Too little, too late. And only ten. How the hell was that fair? 

His face morphed with barely restrained pain as his smile turned watery, bottom lip quivering as new tears shined in his eyes. “Emma please. I know you once told me you were afraid to have a future with me, but the future is nothing to be afraid, love, so please, I beg of you. _Stay._ ”

A single tear fell down her cheek as her gaze dropped to her feet. “That’s not enough for me,” she said, voice trembling with her hunched shoulders. 

“I know that when you awake, you’ll find Henry and your parents are…” Her hands curled into fists and she wanted to scream at him to say it, say it and it could finally be real. Watching her mom and dad’s broken bodies get covered wasn’t convincing enough, and she needed him to say it, for the words to break her more, more and she could go too. He sniffled and pressed his damp face to her hand, squeezing his eyebrows closer. “But you needn’t be. I can tell you from experience that when your heart is broken, it means it still works, and now yours has broken anew, but, Swan, it will mend.”

“I’ve lost everyone,” she said softly. 

“Listen, love,” he said as he inhaled a deep breath and her blurry gaze followed him as he leaned forward and unzipped his guitar case. Pulling the guitar out by the neck, her eyes stayed on the tight grip his hand wrapped around the wood, the whitened knuckles blooming her hatred for white again as they glared at her against his blacks rings.

He settled the guitar on his lap, throwing his shoulders back as a pick - _her pick_ , the one from last Christmas, engraved with an anchor and his initials under it- materialized from his jeans pocket and plucked at the strings lightly. 

She took a step closer, always drawn by the echoing C chord. What was he doing? “This may sound a bit rusty, but...well, you remember when I said I hadn’t written any? I lied, darling. The truth is I’d written too many, and I wasn’t quite sure you were ready.”

Her fingers ghosted over his shoulder and drifted to the back of his neck, palm hovering over the nape, itching to stroke his curly locks. Her walls rose with her pulse as she asked, “Why?”

“I love you.”

She released a sigh, “I love you too,” and it was surprisingly easy, so easy and he didn’t hear her. At all. Not even a whisper of what she’d been holding in for months. 

“Most unconditionally, but you must stay.”

Her gaze grew soft as she stared at him, willing him not to break into pieces before she did. “You know I can’t, babe.”

He strummed through another C chord and it resonated through her thrumming ears, helped her exhale a less anxious sigh, but a sob crawled up her throat when his lower lip quivered violently and he dropped his head with the tears streaming from his tortured eyes. She was quiet with him, so wanting to kiss his nose, his eyes, his eyebrows, his cheeks, just _everything_ from worry, but how could she ever go back? 

He sniffed and glanced at her, also quiet, with her bruised eyes closed and her blonde hair trapped behind her back, concussed head pushed into the pillow as her chest raised slowly and dropped slowly with her faint breathing. “I don’t wish to get another tattoo of another person I loved, Swan, don’t you see?”

The name Milah tainted his wrist, Alice adorned his stomach, Brennan tarnished near his heart. Where would she go?

“I’m sorry, Killian, but my mom and my dad, and Henry-”

“ _Breathe deep, breathe clear, simply know I’m here…”_ Her eyes widened as his voice filled the room, accent slipping through the cracks of her walls and weakening her knees. He wrote her a song? His own eyes squeezed shut as he strummed louder, softer, and she struggled to breathe as the tears gushed down her cheeks like a damn broken by his love. “ _Will you stay strong, stay gold, yes? You don’t have to fear, love, you don’t have to fear, and how could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?”_

Of course she fucken could. 

“ _Come close, my dear, you don’t have to fear, and how could I live before? Venturing the world so blind, so lost, with nothing in sight, will you return, my love? Will you return…”_

Her body swayed and her mind hazed. 

_Her dad shook his head, understanding smile loosening her frown. “Emma, you can’t think like that.”_

_“Why not?” she snapped and shrugged, looking out at the ocean waves rolling in. “Bad things do keep happening.”_

_He scoffed, “So do good things,” he said and pursed his lips, leaning forward to force her to meet his gaze. “But if you think like that you miss out. There’s more to life than just looking for the next fight. You know, you gotta look for the moments.”_

_She snorted, unimpressed. “Moments?” she asked incredilously._

_He nodded seriously, voice soft and just right. “Yes, life is made up of moments. Good ones, bad ones, but they’re all worth living.”_

“No,” her screamed echoed and she shook her head fiercely, arms swaying against an invisible force pulling her back. 

_Her mom studied her over the rim of her mug. “You’re just protecting yourself,” she finally said, a little hesitantly as Emma’s glare returned. “With that wall you put.”_

_Emma scoffed as she walked past her to pull the orange juice from the fridge, sleeve of her sweater hanging down her forearm when she raised a shoulder. “Just because I don’t get emotional over men…”_

_“You don’t get emotional over men?” Her mom laughed, green eyes twinkling, and she nodded toward their trash can. “Uh, the floral abuse tells a different story.”_

_She placed her foot down. “What story is that?” she asked drily._

_“The one that’s obvious to everyone, except apparently you, that you have feelings for Killian.”_

_Emma gawked, “Oh come on.”_

_“There’s that wall,” her mom pointed a knowing finger at her._

_She rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with being cautious.”_

_“Oh true, true. But Emma,” she said sadly. “That wall of yours, it may keep out pain, but it may also keep out love.”_

“Mom,” she cried, eyes blinded by light. 

_“You have to love yourself, Emma. The good and the bad,” Elsa said and Emma shook her head, burying her face deeper into her knees. The bed dipped with Elsa’s weight as she put a cold hand on her shoulder. “The only way to truly be in control of who you are is to embrace it,” she emphasized, gently patting her until she brought her gaze to hers._

_“You heard what they said,” she whispered, looking away._

_“I did but this,” Elsa gestured at her, a smile breaking across her face. “This is who you are.”_

_Emma was silent for a moment and then turned to drop her head on Elsa’s shoulder. “I guess.”_

_“It’s time to stop being afraid.”_

_She nodded. “It’s time to stop being afraid.”_

“No, no, no, but Henry and my dad-”

_“What?” she breathed._

_He took a step closer, eyes burning honesty into hers. “So when I win your heart, Emma, and I will win it. It won’t be because of any trickery, it will be because you want me.”_

“NO I CAN’T DO THIS, I can’t be your savior, that is crap, I didn’t ask for that!”

The light engulfed her and her eyes snapped open with an unsteady breath. 

His face appeared in her vision, relief smoothing his features. “Emma,” he breathed. 

A small smile lifted the side of her lips weakly even as tears filled to the brim of her eyes and burst free down the sides of her face. His thumbs hurriedly wiped them away, gently, lovingly, and she reached a numb hand to cup his cheek, _finally_ skin meeting skin and he pressed his forehead to hers. “Killy?”

“Aye, love. I’m here.”

**Author's Note:**

> -Song: Heart like yours  
> By: Willamette Stone
> 
> -Thanks for reading!
> 
> -Thoughts?


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